http://tinybuddha.com/blog/everyone-in-your-life-is-you/
Everyone in Your Life Is You
by Julie Hoyle
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“You validate people’s lives by your attention.” ~Unknown
When my husband and I lived in New Providence, the capital island of the Bahamas, we rented a charming wooden cottage with a sweeping vista of the ocean from a sweet, elderly man who was 88 years old.
Our landlord Leslie lived alone in an elegant house next door to our cottage and I made it a habit to visit him each day, after arriving home from teaching at a local high school.
Leslie was lonely and my heart would ache for him. Having lost his wife a few years earlier, he was a sad, wistful figure, who would spend the day sitting with the front door open, gazing out at traffic and wondering where all his friends had gone.
While I felt sorry for his situation, I was acutely aware of why people had stopped coming by. Leslie could barely hear a word anyone said and, as a consequence, my visits would consist of raising my voice to the highest level possible, which would leave me hoarse and physically drained.
One afternoon after making tea and settling down to attempt to communicate, Leslie started by labeling himself “a silly old fool” and then related an incident I will never forget.
Over the years I have recalled it many times as a way of highlighting the importance of being attentive and present.
As the story goes, Leslie flew to Grand Bahama Island to spend the weekend with his son Derek. When it was time to leave, Derek took Leslie back to the airport, checked him in, and said goodbye.
In the departure area, Leslie was unable to fully hear an announcement. Rather than making inquiries, Leslie followed a group of people moving toward the gate and, relying on a steward to correctly check his ticket, he boarded the plane.
However, much to his acute embarrassment and dismay, Leslie later realized the plane was touching down in Miami, rather than New Providence.
At different times in my life, I have been each character in this story, deaf to what others have been trying to tell me, unable to articulate my needs, and woefully inattentive and distracted.
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This story hit a nerve. My Maternal Grandmother RIP was too vain to wear ANY of the many hearing aids her daughters bought for her. Despite being badly deaf. She was over joyed when ever my late wife would come to visit. Frau Reinke would literally scream, using her basketball coach voice, if that’s what was needed to have my Grandmother hear her. And, she knew when to turn up the volume because my Grandmother would just smile when a response was required or say some non sequitur. Frau Reinke put a lot of effort out to communicate with her.
Funny story: we visited Grandma’s sister, who looked like Grandma. During the visit, Aunt Marion went to the head, and I said to Frau Reinke that she didn’t have to yell at Aunt. Her hearing was fine. When Aunt returned, Frau Reinke apologized profusely. Aunt laughed saying she absolutely understood and knew how hard it was to talk to Grandma.
So when you visit with old folks, remember Grandma and being pridefully deaf.
I’m sure my fellow alums don’t need this instruction, but maybe the lesson is not to be too pig headed about vanity. At least, not to the point, where others have to scream at you.
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